November 3rd
Jul. 2nd, 2007 12:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sams1raFaded Memories of a Picture Perfect
Title/Series: part of the Picture Perfect 'verse.
Disclaimer: I own nothing supernatural related. Isn’t that sad?
Rating: PG.
Category: Gen.
Pairings: None.
Characters: Wee!Dean, baby Sam, John.
Summery: The first days following Mary's death.
Comments: Yes, please.
A/N: John is… well… you've seen John in the show, right? You're gonna need a tissue for this one. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…
Beta by Historylover. Thanks!
Faded Memories of a Picture Perfect
November 3rd, 1983
Dawn broke a couple of hours ago. The last of the fire trucks had finally left the scene. The 'scene' that used to be the Winchester home. The 'scene' which was now mostly smoke and chars.
Sammy wasn’t crying anymore. He was sleeping, fell asleep in Daddy's arms a while ago, and now someone took him. They wanted to take Dean, too. To the hospital, maybe, said he might have inhaled too much smoke. But Dean wouldn’t leave his father's side. Couldn’t. He had let go of Mommy, and now Mommy wasn’t coming back. Dean wouldn’t let go of Sammy either, but Daddy promised Sam would be back, that Sam needed sleep and a clean diaper, and Dean had let him go. He had trusted Dad, and Dad had said Sammy would be all right.
People. So many people around. Talking, saying meaningless stuff, bringing food. It's like they thought if there was food around, he might not remember that Mommy wasn’t there anymore to cook for them. Grown ups sure were stupid sometimes.
They talked a lot at first, but they didn’t talk to him. They sort of talked around him. Like he wasn’t even there. Saying things he didn’t understand, talking about him, about Sammy. Their words were filled with sympathy and grown up talk, asking questions and not really waiting for him to answer. So Dean stopped trying.
No one was listening anymore anyway. Not even Dad. No one but Sammy, and Sammy was too little to understand anyway. Dean figured Sammy couldn't understand the words anyway, so he just hummed to his brother whenever Sammy wanted someone to talk to. Sometimes just holding his little hand was enough.
Sammy didn’t like all those people around, didn’t like Mom's friends' house. Sammy wanted back in his nursery. Dean understood that. He wanted back in his room, too. He wanted back home. He wanted his Mommy back. This was her friend, it wasn’t polite not to show up, and Mommy said to always be polite.
Hot. It was so hot. And the smell… Smoke! He can smell smoke!
Dean jerked awake, eyes wide, heart pounding. He looked around, recognizing nothing. This was not his room, not his bed, and everything smelled like smoke. It was choking him, he couldn’t breathe, and he still couldn’t remember where he was – only that he went to sleep in a bed next to Daddy. And Daddy wasn’t there now.
It was hot. So unbelievingly hot and suffocating. And Daddy was gone.
Dean jumped out of the bed, looked everywhere in the room, even under the bed and in the closet, just in case. But Daddy wasn’t there. Daddy was gone. The fire took him, too, like it did Mommy. Dean's heart was beating so fast, so loudly he couldn’t hear the roar of the fire, but he knew it was there. Could smell it. Could feel the heat.
Maybe the fire didn’t take Daddy this time? Maybe it took him? Tears of terror and desperation were pooling in the toddler's eyes. He was shivering, which was kind of funny, considering it was so hot and suffocating. He didn’t want the fire to take him. Unless… Would the fire take him to Mommy? He missed his Mommy. But he was too scared of the fire, too scared of the heat and the smoke and…
A soft snore. He could hear a little baby snore. Sammy.
Dean wiped the tears from his eyes, but the heat was stinging and his eyes watered again. Tears fell down his cheeks. He didn’t want the fire to take him. Or Mommy, or Daddy, or Sammy. He wanted to go home, back to his room, with Mommy and Daddy down the hall. He wanted Mommy to finish the story they'd been reading. He wanted to play catch in the backyard with Daddy. He wanted Sammy to be big enough to play with them.
But it was so hot and everything smelled like smoke, and Dean's breath hitched. There was no air in the room. The fire was coming.
Daddy was gone.
He couldn’t let the fire take Sammy, too. He wouldn’t.
So he climbed into his brother's crib, shielding his baby brother with his own body. The fire wasn’t going to take Sammy away, too. Even though Sam smelt like smoke. Everything smelt like smoke, and it was so hard to breathe. Dean scooted closer to the baby. He couldn’t fall asleep. He had to keep watch, had to watch out for Sammy. He wouldn’t let the fire take Sammy, too. He couldn’t fall asleep. He wouldn’t…
"Dean, you can't sleep in your brother's crib. You're too big. You don’t want it to break, do you?" someone picked him up. It didn’t smell like smoke anymore. It smelt like Sammy and baby spit. "Come on, buddy." He knew the voice. Recognized the touch. Daddy! The fire didn’t take Daddy away!
Dean clung to John for dear life, holding as tightly as his little arms could. And then he pulled away, confused. Daddy smelt funny. It made him cough a little, like the smoke, but differently.
"Come on, let's get you to bed." And then Daddy put him down on the bed, but Dean didn’t let go. Wouldn’t let go, ever. He had let Mommy go, and Mommy didn’t come back. The fire took her when the angels weren’t looking. "That's enough, Dean. Time to sleep. Let go!"
Dean frowned and looked up at his father. It was not his Daddy. It looked like him, but it wasn’t his Daddy. Daddy didn’t have red eyes like that, didn’t smell this bad, not even with the smoke. And Daddy didn’t talk to him like that. Ever. Not unless he was very, very angry. And he never shook Dean off like that, never pushed him away, not like this.
This wasn't his Daddy. It couldn’t be.
"I said, go to sleep! That's an order!"
And Dean's heart was pounding again, because he didn’t recognize the man next to him. It wasn’t his room, it wasn’t his house, and it wasn’t his Daddy. Maybe the fire did take Daddy. What if the fire would take Sammy next, bring something else instead of his little brother?
Dean was scared now, terrified. He had to protect Sammy. He couldn’t let the fire take Sammy. He tried scrambling out of bed again, tried getting back in the crib, only to be pulled away, nearly tossed back in the bed.
"Stop that! I told you to stop! Go to sleep!" and tears fell down Dean's cheeks. He didn’t know who this man who looks like his Daddy was, but he didn’t like him. "Stop that! Stop crying! Big boys don’t cry!" the man shook him, "You're a big boy, aren’t you?" and Dean really didn’t feel like a big boy right then. Daddy was gone, and Dean called for his Mommy. He didn’t mean to, he knew Mommy was gone, but he was scared, and Daddy was gone and there was someone else here, pretending he was Daddy. So Dean called for his Mommy.
The man who wasn’t Daddy flinched away as if he were hit by lightning.
"Shut up!" he had said in a low, shaky voice, and it just scared Dean more. "I said shut up about her! You hear? She's gone! You got that? Your Mommy's gone! And she ain't never coming back! You hear?" and then Dean started sobbing. And Sammy, too, because the scary man woke him up. The scary man looked from Dean to Sam and back.
"Why couldn’t you just go to sleep?" he murmured, running a hand through his hair.
"John, is everything okay?" a woman, Mom's friend, poked her head through the door.
"I can't… I can't deal with them right now." The scary man had said, getting up and leaving the room. The woman looked back after him, sighed, and got in the room. She picked Sammy up and sat down on the bed next to Dean. She pulled him over, putting his head in her lap and stroking his hair and his back, like Mommy used to do. But she wasn’t Mommy. Mommy was gone. She wasn’t coming back.
And now Daddy was gone, too.
"Don’t worry, baby. He's just grieving." The woman said, rubbing circles on Dean's back. "It'll be okay. Everything will be okay, you'll see." She said, trying to sooth him, sooth the both of them. "Give him a few more days, sweetheart. Your Daddy will pull through."
"He's not my Daddy." Dean whispered, hiccupping.
"Aw, of course he is, baby." The woman said, pulling Dean closer. "He's just sad, is all. He misses your Mommy."
"I miss Mommy." Dean said, and started crying again, soundlessly this time.
"I know, honey. I know." The woman said, kissing the top of his head, like Mommy used to do. "It's going to be okay, you'll see." She said. "In a couple of days, your Daddy will calm down. He'll remember how to be a Daddy again, I promise. You just have to be a good boy until then. Can you do that, Dean? Can you be a good boy?"
And Dean didn’t say anything, because it wasn’t his Daddy. His Daddy was gone, just like his Mommy. Mommy wasn’t coming back. And he really wished he could have gone with her, because Mommy would never be this mean.
The bad man was back the next morning. Short tempered and foul smelling, and all Dean wanted was his Mommy and Daddy back. He had stopped talking, because talking made the bad man mean. The bad man was so mean he even yelled at Sammy when he cried, but Sammy couldn’t help it, he was just a baby. So Dean would crawl into Sammy's crib and hold him, and help change and feed him so he wouldn’t cry. Because Sammy was the only one Dean had left anymore. The fire hadn’t taken Sammy yet. And Dean was really starting to wish it had, because that would have made it easier to go with him.
The End
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-12 01:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-12 06:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-12 03:22 pm (UTC)But then... Wah! John! What is WRONG with you?!
OMG, I don't know what to say about this... Your Dean voice is so good, and the whole thing about protecting Sammy from the fire? Beautiful. But, gah, John....
I don't know. I mean, YES, John was angry and out of control, but to yell at Dean like that? Yeeks. I can't reconcile that to the John who held them sitting on the car hood. I can't reconcile that to the December 4 Journal entry, even if this took place within a day or two of the fire.
(And btw, wouldn't the morning after the fire still be November 2? If the fire occurred just after midnight.... /pointless timeline nitpickery.)
This goes beyond a drunk!John raving, and even beyond zombie!John. The John I see took refuge in his kids, wouldn't let them out of his sight, did everything he did to arm himself and protect them from any other possible attack.
I'm sorry - it's really well-written, and I love wee!Dean as much as ever. But I agree with Dean: Will the Real John please come out and play?
(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-12 06:42 pm (UTC)Glad you liked Dean though, cuz this whole thing is really about him =)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-12 04:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-12 06:43 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-12 06:56 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-12 07:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-12 06:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-12 06:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-13 04:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-16 04:26 pm (UTC)"They talked a lot at first, but they didn’t talk to him. They sort of talked around him. Like he wasn’t even there. Saying things he didn’t understand, talking about him, about Sammy. Their words were filled with sympathy and grown up talk, asking questions and not really waiting for him to answer. So Dean stopped trying."
You know you had me sniffling there;)
"He had stopped talking, because talking made the bad man mean. The bad man was so mean he even yelled at Sammy when he cried, but Sammy couldn’t help it, he was just a baby. So Dean would crawl into Sammy's crib and hold him, and help change and feed him so he wouldn’t cry. Because Sammy was the only one Dean had left anymore. The fire hadn’t taken Sammy yet. And Dean was really starting to wish it had, because that would have made it easier to go with him."
And now I am just in tears, and can`t stop crying!!
I love this so much..Poor Dean♥
(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-16 04:57 pm (UTC)There's more coming, if I ever get around to actually FINISH it... Another sad one, but then back to aww and cute and angsty goodness ;)
Have a great day.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-16 05:18 pm (UTC)*wipes eyes*
Well I can live with that;)
And this is just me being stupid and insecure; I stole your plot-bunny on that Sam/Dean/John-picture-story...I wrote it and I would love for you to read it..
http://pippii.livejournal.com/29276.html#cutid1
*runs away and hide head in shame*
I feel like such a bloody fan-girl right now...and I am to old for that!!!