Blaming John for Mary I can understand. It's grief. It doesn't have to make sense. His father was supposed to protect them, and he didn't, so it was his fault. It's a kid's thinking, and since it happened when he was a kid, it's understandable. And yeah, I get the point of the scene was to get Dean to admit what he'd never admit, not even to himself. To make him realize that, not only does he WANT to live, but he DESERVES to live. I get that. But the pacing felt wrong, at least to me. I mean, both Deans said basically the same things. Other!Dean talked about the effect and Dean about the cause, sort of. Thing is, they both basically agreed, so I don't see the reason for the violence and sudden blinding rage that ended up with him killing himself (again). I believe it was symbolic - the killing himself part, and it's just sad. Also, they could have totally cut the Sam/Bela dream *shudders again* and used the time for a better build-up in this scene. I think it would've worked a little better. But that's just my opinion...
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And yeah, I get the point of the scene was to get Dean to admit what he'd never admit, not even to himself. To make him realize that, not only does he WANT to live, but he DESERVES to live. I get that.
But the pacing felt wrong, at least to me. I mean, both Deans said basically the same things. Other!Dean talked about the effect and Dean about the cause, sort of. Thing is, they both basically agreed, so I don't see the reason for the violence and sudden blinding rage that ended up with him killing himself (again). I believe it was symbolic - the killing himself part, and it's just sad.
Also, they could have totally cut the Sam/Bela dream *shudders again* and used the time for a better build-up in this scene. I think it would've worked a little better. But that's just my opinion...