Dean's race from the house and standing on the lawn waiting for his parents is one of the images that haunts me for Wee!Dean. In my mind that is the Dean that goes on through the series, stuck at age four protecting Sammy, always waiting for his father, remembering the fear and constantly afraid that everything will be taken away again...
Your story really brings that night alive...the voices of Mary and John and especially Dean are really present in their normality. The little gestures and tones.
The only thing I would suggest if I may, is your phrasing here :
She said, picking Dean up in her arms and going over to the kitchen.
When Dean was finished with his milk, Mary took him back upstairs...
It pops me out of the story. I would suggest more of a flow between the two...going downstairs, heating the milk?
Off to read the rest of your stuff....I love it when I find a great writer on a long weekend and it's raining! :-)
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Your story really brings that night alive...the voices of Mary and John and especially Dean are really present in their normality. The little gestures and tones.
The only thing I would suggest if I may, is your phrasing here :
She said, picking Dean up in her arms and going over to the kitchen.
When Dean was finished with his milk, Mary took him back upstairs...
It pops me out of the story. I would suggest more of a flow between the two...going downstairs, heating the milk?
Off to read the rest of your stuff....I love it when I find a great writer on a long weekend and it's raining! :-)
Thank you!