sams1ra: (sad dean2)
[personal profile] sams1ra
I didn't watch it again. I can't before I get back home, but it sure has been a while since I felt this way about an episode.
The thing is, it wasn't the episode, it was what, 2 minutes of it?

This wasn't another Asylum. This wasn't a ghost or a siren sifting through Sam's mind and pouring out the worst, most hurtful things. This was 100% pure Sam.

And you know what? He is stronger (dude! Jensen, really. Hit the gym, show us some muscle too. Us Deangirls need  some Dean fix, too ;) ) and possibly smarter *glares*, and lately, Dean is weak. He does feel sorry for himself and wallows in it way too much *glares at writers*

BUT

The guy went to Hell, actual, literal Hell, for his brother. He kept everything inside for as long as he could, with Sam poking him to talk, to share. True, Sam didn't poke half as much as he's used to, but he still brought it up as a weapon - you want me to share, you share first. And Dean did. He tore down the walls of denial and protection and he spilled everything. His self loathing, his pain, his damnation.
Show didn't show us that any of that made him feel better, so I'm guessing sharing didn't really help. And instead, Sam now thinks of him as weak. As something that holds Sam back from achieving what he wants.

I can't help thinking of the Stanford fight. The family business was holding Sam back then, too. And he left. I can't imagine what Dean must be feeling at hearing these words. He gave Sam everything he had, soul included, and this is his thanks.

Now I get what people are saying. Sam is so frustrated by his inability to help Dean, both before the deal came due, while Dean was in Hell and after, when he was still struggling with everything he's been through. I agree that frustration can result in rage towards the person you want to help, but this? This HURT.

It was so sad to have show come out and say Dean wasn't craving some chick, but just wanted to reconnect with his brother. It's been building up for a while, and having watched s1, I so very miss the closeness of the two.
I mean, way back when, it was Dean keeping secrets, and he was never good at it. Sam on the other hand? Was always secretive. It's like he's doing his own thing, and as long as Dean doesn't mess it up, he can come along. *weeps*

I have no idea why I can't write even when I'm feeling this loaded. I have a scene where Dean leaves Sam (and now I'm totally going to throw the siren in Sam's face, too), I have so many scenes from Show that fits my fic perfectly this season. I want to write, but I can't.

Seriously, what's up with that? Anyone?

I mean, I've started 3 other fics since I've started the sequel, and other than writing down the general idea, I've written nothing. *is sad*

Anyways, Sam, you know what that gets you? Uh huh. That's right.
drunksamsealbyrefur.gif drunk sam seal (refur) image by sams1ra

ETA: Now I'm thinking of writing a fic where Dean's hurt so very bad, but won't tell Sam cuz he doesn't want Sam to think he's being weak. Oh, Dean...
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sams1ra

May 2009

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